I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
