who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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