There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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