So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize