She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
