im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
