I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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