What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
