drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
