Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
