I wanna bring you to show and tell
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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