What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
