How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
