He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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