How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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