Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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