none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
