I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i out mim tonsoeep
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