So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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