so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
