so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
