In the future we'll all be gay
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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