I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
