i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
