I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
