Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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