ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
