Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
