My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out