All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.