My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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