you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
