"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
