I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
