she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
