i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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