Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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