I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
