dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
