Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
