I wish I could teleport
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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