If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
