The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
