he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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