So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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