Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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