Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
