Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
