I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
