what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im part way to drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
