yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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