like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
