Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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