Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
