I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
