think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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