He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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