i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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