Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
