Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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