He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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