I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
