I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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