I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone came in the potted fern
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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