last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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