I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
