Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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