I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
