you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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